Cleaning House

May 7, 2010 healthyjaime4life

Hello all! It’s been a bit longer than my weekly update due to craziness of life. Well, not entirely crazy. I spent the weekend with my hubby on a get away. MUCH NEEDED! ❤

This week has been about cleaning house for me. Yeah… my actual house too, but that was a mere side effect… more to come on that.

A little background… sorry, could get lengthy. I once read a book called In the Meantime by I. Vanzant. I read this after the personal low of breaking up with my fiance. Sounds bad, but it was the healthiest thing I’ve ever done. I went through 5 years of verbal abuse, manipulation, and general unhealthy behavior with “prince charming” .  I find it interesting how people can be judgemental of women in abusive relationships. Walk in that woman’s shoes and you’ll think differently. I had the unfortunate experience of learning first hand abuse is a cycle that is vicious. I stayed because he threatened to kill himself if I left. Being the compassionate weakling at the time, rather than suggesting he seek help, I stayed. That is, until I passed my nursing boards. Something  about passing made me feel that the 4 years of busting my butt in school and very little sleep had paid off in spades. I felt strong for the first time in a long time. I WAS strong enough to be on my own. So, I took the risk and left. I had some very scary discussions that followed. Of course he threatened his life multiple times. I finally gained the strength to tell him if he was that unstable I could not fix him. He needed help. That was it …I was finally free!  I struggled with my decision even up until a year ago when he finally did take his life. But it wasn’t because I missed him and wanted to be with him. It was that he never married, or dated after our break up….9 years prior. I’d be lying to say a part of me felt it was my fault. But I refuse to take the blame for his void in his life. Ultimately, I made the right choice and I have a beautiful family to show for it.

I say all this to say that book came to mind again this week.  Vanzant likens our bodies to building a house. You have to build your self-worth in the basement. Only then, do you have a strong foundation. Once that is established, you move your way up to the first floor, work on truly loving yourself. Second floor is finding love in relationships, the attic is the ability to love and accept the love of your Holy Father. I’ve been processing how I’ve grown as a person since that difficult stage of my life. I feel I’ve finally cleaned the cobwebs that darkened my basement from my tumultuous relationship . I feel I’m decent at scrubbing the floors of my 1st floor. I am learning to love me for who I am. Moving on to the second floor, I’d love to say I’m an ace at loving others, but I struggle with making myself a priority.  I give all that I have, but sometimes it’s not my best because I don’t make my self a priority.  Still working on that one. We’ll say I’m on my way up the stairs to the second floor! 🙂

So, to make this exercise more real in my mind, I started cleaning my house. I organized closets, everyone’s room, the toy room and my kitchen. I had a party tossing things that didn’t bring me joy anymore, or that the boys had grown out of. It was extremely therapeutic. Now to take care of me… I stress out because my house isn’t clean. Step back and realize I have pre-schoolers for cryin  out loud. But do I allow myself that grace… NOOOOOOO! So I thought I’d challenge the itty bits to take responsibility so that Mama isn’t so tired of cleaning all the time. I completely underestimated their ability to do things. So, with a solid pep talk and some continued encouragement, my 2 and 4-year-old now wash their dishes, pick up their rooms, put clothes in the dirty hamper, pick out their own clothes , and put their toys away without a fuss. PRAISE GOD!!! Mommy is more sane, life is good.

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4 Comments Add your own

• 1. Shell  |  May 7, 2010 at 9:02 am

  J, you r an inspiration!! Learning to love yourself is the hardest part of life, no matter how much others love us or say they do, our opinion should matter the most. I applaud you for stating what others feel, including me, but are afraid to admit!! How theraputic to rid our lives of clutter, physical and emotional, and start fresh. Love ya babe!!!

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• 2. Vanessa  |  May 7, 2010 at 2:05 pm

  i love you and your beautiful house…physically AND metaphorically speaking! 🙂

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• 3. ronnie  |  May 7, 2010 at 2:26 pm

  keep up the good work, you are an inspiration to us all–and yes do remember you have a family and should enjoy them–the house is just that a house and if peeps don’t understand that you all live life, too bad. I don’t know what I did this month but I managed too lose 8 lbs :0)

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• 4. healthyjaime4life  |  May 7, 2010 at 4:53 pm

  Thanks everyone for the kind words. Ronnie, I am SOOO proud of you. WAY TO GO GIRL!! Keep up the good work.

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